John

I visited my brother John today. He is about 18 months younger than I. Monday he had his prostate removed because it had become cancerous.

He is doing really well after surgery and seems entirely himself. He is not moving real fast, but he is moving. He is upbeat and positive and so I believe he will continue to do well. All of that is good news!

It is however, really scary to have a younger brother with cancer. It gets me in touch with my own mortality in a real and personal way. Like all men I prefer to believe I am invincible. I know that there is much evidence to the contrary, but as long as I don't think about it, I still feel invincible.

Evidently, I am not. In this case, evidently means 'the evidence shows'. My older brother by 9 months died of a liver ailment in September. My younger brother's body had started to fail him. A good friend died 2 weeks ago. All this is negative evidence. We are not invincible, I am not invincible.

Darn it!

So how do I feel about this? Frankly I am trying hard not to feel about this at all. I do not want to consider that I am getting old, older, no longer young. As far as I know I am in good health, and yes, I did go see a doctor and have a physical. I am on a statin drug for cholesterol, a beta blocker to keep my heart from beating irregularly, and an acid blocker for my heartburn. Otherwise I am as good as I ever was. All of this is an attempt to slow down aging or to keep the effects of aging to a minimum.

I walk my dog a couple of miles every day. Once every couple of days I do the exercises prescribed to keep my back in good shape. All these things are helpful, I fully believe.

The best thing that keeps me young (smiley face here) is dancing with Lori and playing music with her for whoever will listen. Then I am invincible!, no matter what contrary evidence might exist. How do I feel about no longer being young? I feel like continuing to dance and not think about it all....